And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
