I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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