Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
