I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize