i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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