dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
