onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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