3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
