Small penises have feelings too.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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