Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
