You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize