I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
