Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
