Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
