walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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