i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
