You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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