so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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