Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
