I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
