i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
