he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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