haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
