I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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