so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
