Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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