i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
