I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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