3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
