Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
