nut hugger
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize