That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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