farters have to be the big spoon...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Congratulations! We have a period
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
