Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
