Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize