chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
