You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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