Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
