just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have aggressive nipples.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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