we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
