she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
