Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
