Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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