He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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