the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
