I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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