My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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