some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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