Sacagawea was the original milf.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
