Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
