Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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