i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
