True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
