brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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