I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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