She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
