Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
