Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
