Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
