I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
