Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
