I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
