lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
