So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
