Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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