she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
