we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
