I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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