I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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