I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
