I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
pray to the hookup gods
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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