If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize