when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
