is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
