big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
