I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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