Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
