I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
