We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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