due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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