im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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