He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
